Students, teachers, faculty (no, not The Faculty) and mascots. Welcome to Part 1 of of 30 part series entitled “How To Save Money in College … so I can spend it on scented candles, cocaine and other cool shit”
Here I will provide you with my hazy memories and limited wisdom on how to save your cash in college to ultimately spend your cash on something else. Today’s pearl of wisdom comes straight from my own experiences at college and I’m telling you NOT TO BUY YOUR COLLEGE TEXTBOOKS.
No 1. Don’t buy the college textbooks – Not only are college textbooks boring, heavy to carry and full of big words, they’re also expensive. Your college thinks you won’t notice but even Club 420 members are going to notice a $143 price tag on that Anatomy 101. Who the hell needs a book on anatomy anyway? Didn’t we all learn that little girls are made of sugar and spice and little boys are made of puppy dog tails? Which, come to think of it, doesn’t make sense, because last time I ate a girl I clearly don’t remember any sugar. Plenty of spice though. Hell, maybe you should get that Anatomy 101 book. JUST DON’T BUY IT.
Here’s what you do.
MOST colleges are required to have their library stock at least 1 copy of every book that any class offers. So after you attend classes the first week and get your list of “required books” (don’t worry, you never need your book the first week), get the book list and then head over to the library. You can either photocopy everything for a fraction of the cost (or for free if you get a job at the library) or just keep the book all semester. Your overdue fees will be less than the book.
Or take the book and hide it in some secret place in the library and come back to it whenever you need. Then there’s no overdue fines or photocopy fees.
That’s today’s tip. And speaking of tips, make sure to wrap yours when having sex. There’s no better way to protect your wiener from the Clap or her vagina from Babies than with a rubber. And there’s no better way to buy them than with a condom subscription from My MonthlyRubbers. It’s Easy, Fast and very, very f***ing CHEAP.